A bad double standard

By kate on May 22nd, 2007

So, I’m now officially a stay-at-home parent. Steve and I are switching roles for a while, and he’s gone back to work. My last day was a week ago, and now I’m home with Ruby full-time. Overall, I’m very excited. I’ve been feeling for a long time now that I never really get to see her enough. Now, she’s my full-time job, I can watch her learn things, and we can go and have adventures all summer.
 
Notice that I said “stay-at-home parent” (SAHP) instead of “stay-at-home mom”. I prefer the former term because it implies that it could be either parent (instead of only the mom). Even though I’m feeling very positive about this change, I have a big mental problem with the idea of a “stay-at-home mom”. It’s a terrible double standard.
 
On the one hand, this is an occupation that I voluntarily chose and do want to pursue for now. Steve and I feel that having a parent home with Ruby is good for her, fun for us, and simpler for our lives. My mom, a role model for me, was an excellent SAHP.
 
However, I just can’t shake a prejudice against other stay-at-home moms. There’s no good reason for this. I just see them all through this stereotype of a suburban soccer mom and therefore don’t want to associate with them (and don’t want to be seen as one). I’m worried that this bad attitude will hamper my ability to find playmates for Ruby because I don’t want to talk to their mothers.
 
For example, today I took Ruby to a free trial class at The Little Gym near our house. I’m not into overscheduling her, but she seems to have an interest and aptitude in physical things, so I thought we’d check it out. The meat of the class was fine, and mostly consisted of her being able to freely wander around and play on the equipment. (I was interested to see that she was drawn to the balance beam and kept wanting to walk across it with my help.) Anyway, my point here is that the class began with sitting in a circle and singing a hello song. Followed by singing a song with bells. Followed by singing the “putting the bells away” song. Followed by other insipid songs that made my skin crawl.
 
Does it make me a bad parent if I refuse to sing along when they want us to sing “The Wheels on the Bus” yet again? What about the fact that I looked around the circle to all the happy, earnestly singing parents and thought they all looked brainwashed? Will I be able to get over this and make friends? Can Ruby still become a well-adjusted adult if we skip all this inanity?
 
p.s. I’m taking a pass on this gym class, mostly because of the cost ($15/ 45 minutes), but also because of the stupid singing.

Filed under: parenting, relationships

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